tanjung rambutan

Terdapat tiga orang gila dalam satu institusi sakit jiwa. Mereka
terdiri dari Junior, Senior dan Veteran, disusun mengikut jangka masa
di institusi tersebut.
Suatu hari, doktor yang merawat mental mereka mahu menguji keadaan
mereka. Maka seorang demi seorang dipanggil.
Junior orang pertama dipanggil. Doktor itu memberi situasi.
"Kamu, kalau dihantar ke padang pasir, apa benda paling penting
dibawa bersama?"
Junior berfikir seketika. "Padang pasir panas..." Doktor
angguk. "Ada harapan nak dilepaskan ni..." hati doktor berdetik.
"Jadi saya nak bawa air. Haus kalau duduk sana."
Doktor tersebut sangat senang hati mendengar jawapan Junior.
Kemudian, dia memanggil Senior pula. Soalan sama ditanya oleh doktor
itu.
"Yang saya tau, padang pasir tu panas..." Senior berkata setelah
berfikir panjang.
"Ya!" Jawab doktor terbabit penuh semangat.
"Saya nak bawa kipas, mesti berpeluh betul duduk di sana!"
Doktor berkenaan puas hati dengan jawapan yang diberikan. Kemudian,
Veteran pula dipanggil.
"Awak dah lama benar di sini kan?"
"Ya, tuan doktor" jawab Veteran selamba.
Kemudian doktor itu ajukan soalan sama seperti dua rakan Veteran
sebelum ini.
"Oh, padang pasir, memang panas betul sana," Veteran tidak ambil
masa panjang berfikir, sambil menjawab dengan selamba sahaja.
"Ya!" doktor cukup senang hati, dalam fikirannya pasti Veteran sudah
sembuh, boleh dilepaskan pada bila-bila masa.
"Kalau begitu, saya rasa nak bawa pintu kereta..."
Tersentak seketika doktor mendengar jawapan Veteran.
"Kenapa pula nak bawa pintu kereta ke padang pasir?"
Veteran dengan penuh yakin menjawab, "Kerana, kalau panas sangat,
saya boleh buka tingkap kereta. Masuk angin sikit!"

:))

read it :)

I wonder why I am still in love with her. Although it has been 3 years, those days were so clear and fresh. Her lovely smile still lingers leaving scars with a beautiful tune. I know it was my mistake to leave her at first place, but it is almost impossible to forget her especially with this kind of life. Everything that I have done seems wrong and painful. When it happens, her face appears smiling and inviting such a guilty moment. My life seems hopeless and helpless without her……

It just a story of me with my credit card, and I am applying a new one.

haha!

Cinta

Ada cinta tapi tiada kejujuran… Ada kasih tapi tiada kesetiaan… Ada keikhlasan tapi tiada keluhuran… Ada kebahagian tapi tiada kesabaran… Tapi kalau ada ASTRO… macam macam ada!... Hehe

Kahwin

Masa bercinta, marah pun manis, baru kahwin, lagilah manis… Bila tua.. Yang ada cuma.. Kencing Manis!


Nenek

Nenek dusun bagi pisang pada seorang Mat Salleh!

Mat Salleh : Thanks a lot!
Nenek : Mulau! Sudah bagi pisang, dia mau ‘tonsilot’ saya lagi!

the truth bout LUMBA HARAM!

KANTOI!

Pada satu hari, si suami balik dari kerja dan mendapati si isteri tengah bergaduh besar dengan maid indonesianya. .. maka si suami dengan hati yg suci ingin lah jadi org PBB jap, nak tolong damaikan suasana.. maka bertanyalah si suami ngan suara yg lembut pada isterinya..Apa hal ni!!!!!
Yang... . kenapa bising2 ni"... ..jawab si isteri dgn nada marah... "ni hah!!!!! seluar dalam i hilang, tentu si Tuti(bukan nama sebenar) yang curi seluar dalam Gucci i yg mahal yg i beli kat Beijing tuhh!!! " Disambut pulak oleh si suami ... ." alahai Yang ni, takkan lah sebab hilang satu helai seluar dalam pun nak bising se kawasan perumahan. Dah, dah,nanti Abang belikan ganti yg lebih mahal dan seksi lagi... " Berkata lagi si isteri... "Tapi bang, kalu sehelai i tak sakit hati sangat, ni yang hilang tu , 10 helai tau... ... 10 helai!!! (sambil tunjuk jari sepuluhnya)" Maka terkejut beruklah si suami dengar berita ini, berpusing lah dia pada Tuti yg terkebil2 sejak tadi... dgn suara yg lebih lembut lagi ,si suami bertanya... ."betul ke Tuti, kamu yang curi seluar dalam mak encik kamu ? Ingat... .kamu mesti bercakap benar!!!" Si Tuti dengan muka yang ketakutan dan suara terketar2 yg pekat dgn pelat indonesianya pun menjawaplah. .. . " tapi... tapi... tapi... bapak kan tahu saya enggak pernah pakai seluar dalam!!!!! "

:))

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '
I like your sense of humor!'

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the headwith a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.


Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned'

empat orang ayah sdang menunggu klahiran bayi mereka diruang rehat sebuah hospital.Kegelisahan jelas driak muka mereka....

Seorang jururawat kluar dari bilik pembedahan lalu bekata kepada lelaki yang pertama,"Tahniah! isteri tuan slamat mlahirkan ank kemba dua.""kemba dua!kbetulan pula,saye keje kat menare bekemba Petronas ,"kate lelaki yang petame dengan riangnye.

Gamba petronas twin tower

:

Beberape mnit kmudian ,juruwat lain dtg memberitahu kpd lelaki kedua,"Istri tuan slamat mlahirkan bayi kemba tiga.Tahniah!'"Apa?Kembar tiga!Saye bekeja dengan 3D corperation,kate laki yang kedua

Setengah jam kemudian,seorang jururawat membritahu kpd lelaki ketiga,"Tahniah!Istri tuan slamat .tuan dikurniakan ank kemba empat"kte jururawat itu dengan tnang.

"kemba empat! Sungguh saye x menduge kejadian ini,saye pula bekeje di Four Season Hotel,"kate lelaki ketiga dengan gembira .

Lelaki yg keempat lak mudar-mandir kegelisahan.Ketige-tige lelaki tdi brase hairan mlihat keadaan lelaki keempat itu.Mereka bertanye,"Apakah yg merunsingkan awk?"

Dengan prasaan gelisah diamenjwab"Saya bekeje di Seven Eleven."

woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: can i see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

ini hanya sekadar untuk hiburan

knape org india klau becakap susah nk benti ?

sbb fulstop dier kat dahi

this post is for you MAN!

who do you think you are?

you such a loser dude!

you such a loser.

by dating hot chicks by trick them with your PARENTS money you think you hot enough?

can judge who ever you want without investigate the truth?

fuck you.

ah ha one more thing if i owe you a money. please inform to me i'll pay back your money.

one more thing i know you're rich enough but pleasee dont tell anyone you that you wanna buy somthg expensive. because we dont wanna know bout it.

two more thing. if you think your girlfiee is hot enough pleasee pleaseee dont ever judge my girl.

because she is mine not yours okay? thank you

siapa aku bagi mereka?

tiap tiap hari macam ni susah lah.

sesuka hati nak suruh aku hanta korang balik rumah yang tak boleh jauh lagii.

bukan aku tak nak masalahnya korang layang aku mcm DRIVER pulak.

senang nak kesana senang nak kesini shit lah.

malas nak cakap sendiri faham sudah.

kalau aku dah bagi alasan seribu tu faham faham jelah ini nekad nak suruh aku hantar apehal?

such a jerk.

no one can make me smile if i make you smile.

when im alone no one care bout me.

but when im free so many peeps call me.

arghh!

HYE THERE

hello hello. i tahu ramai dah rindu dekat mak kann kannn?

hmm today i nak cerita kat you you you you semua pasal si TIMAH JALI.

dia nak break up dengan PAKWES dia bernama HAINUN JOHNTI.

mcm ni isi kandungan dalam text dia.....

before that make sure you all 16 and above okayy ;)

1

2

3

__________________________________________________________

TIMAH ingin putuskan hubungan dengan boypriend omputihnya HAINUN JOHNTI melalui surat ini. SURATNYA BERLAGU BEGINISS:-

Hi,My motive write dis letter to give know u something. I want to CUT CONNECTION us.

I saw u PLAY WOOD THREE in front my eyes. So, I break connection to PULL MY BODY from dis luv. I have think about dis very COOK-COOK. I know I CLAP 1 HAND only. I dont trust u again! U are really CROCDILE LAND! I dont want u to PLAY-PLAY with my LIVER. I hav been crying until no more eye water. I dont want BANANA TO FRUIT 2 TIMES.

SAFE WALK!

The True,

TIMAH